When you’re the host
Proper etiquette for business dining
Oscar Wilde once said: “The world was my oyster and then I used the
wrong fork.”
With so much business conducted across the dining table, it can be confusing to discuss the annual meeting or a new line of software while trying to figure out who orders first and who pays the bill. It gets even more complicated when you extend the invitation and assume host responsibilities. In a new book called “Don’t take the Last Donut: New rules of Business Etiquette” (Career Press), author Judith Bowman suggests specific guidelines to navigate the hosting process.
Q:
When I extend the dinner invitation, who decides where we go?
A: As the host,
you decide the restaurant, based on learning your guest’s preferences. If you
are unsure of the preferences, make some inquiries.
Q:
After we arrive at the restaurant and check in with the hostess, who
goes first, for example, who follows the maitre d’?
A: The most
important person goes first, your guest – regardless of gender as there are no
gender issues in business. That said, most male guests are traditional and
instinctively defer to the female. Rather than engage in the “dance” – “no you,
please” – “no, I insist, you go first”, etc., after one gesture, the woman
should graciously accept the gesture and proceed.
Q:
When we arrive at the table, who sits where?
A: The host is
always seated in the “control” position, facing the door. The guest of honor is
always seated to the host’s right.
Q:
Besides the check, are there any other host responsibilities during the
meal?
A: It’s
important to understand that nothing happens without the host initiating it from
seating, removing the napkin from the table to your lap, toasting, picking up
utensils to begin each course, and signaling the conclusion of the meal.
Q:
Is there a specific way to do the ordering?
A: Hosts should
learn the name of the wait staff and communicate with them ahead of time to
identify the guest of honor. When seated, the host should suggest guests look at
the menu and order immediately to get it out of the way so they can enjoy time
together. When taking orders, the guest of honor orders first followed by women
in the group, then men, and lastly, the host.
Q:
How can I minimize the awkwardness of picking up the check?
A: When you
make the reservation, let the maitre d’ understand that under no circumstances
should the check be presented at the table. Provide your credit card in advance
and after dessert, excuse yourself from the table; there is no need to say where
you are going. Find your wait staff, review the check adding 18% to 22% gratuity
(depending on the service), sign the receipt, and return to your table. You are
then free to conclude the meal by graciously thanking everyone for joining you,
ensuring a positive dining experience that reflects well on you, the host.
